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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Out with the E-G-O!

Today I felt defeated. Only for a brief moment, though. It started out rough... tough... emotional... not a common day at all for me.  There was drama surrounding me, and I wanted nothing to do with it.

So I carry on with my day, and I'm told by someone what I need to do if I want to be a filmmaker. Wow. I thought, "You mean, in addition to getting my film degree, writing every day of my life, studying, observing, learning, networking, growing, taking vitamins, and trying to be a successful new director?" I would have never thunk it. 

Dialog: You say I should do wh...?  And how...? 

O.S. A bell rings. 

Action: Deep breath.  Smile.  Nod.

Then, I was speaking to a good friend/film peer this afternoon about her unfortunate experience with a hot headed film director-guy who booked her and her crew in NY this past weekend. What's up with that? Yet another example of someone's ego taking over.  This case sounded a bit more mental, but I have to think if you're not working from heart, there's only one other place you can work from - and it ain't home.

SOMEONE needs to follow the yellow brick road... :)

That's the beauty of diversity though. There will always be people who think they know more than you. Some of them do. And there will always be people that feel the need to talk to you like you're five to make themselves feel more important or taller. And I might always be a minority in the challenging film world, but I can dig it. I like it, actually. Truth is, you can't control how people talk to you, what they say, or be responsible for their actions. All you can control, to some level, is YOU and your reaction. So that's what I do. :) Use it as fuel. I smile politely, nod, say thank you and move on. I know where I'm going... and it's OK if you don't. You can't fight or resist what IS. You just have to accept the IS-NESS and decide what you want to do with it.

As women, we want to be fearless, and strong. But we also are nurturers by default, and most of us care how others feel. We care when we hurt people's feelings and can't understand how others could DO THAT! But that's life. It's not about trying to make the entire world be the way you want - it's about making your world the way you want. 

So I went on a walk and forgot about it... the only way I know how to kill anything is with kindness. And the great thing about that way is - it usually works!!!! 

Besides, what I got to be upset about - I making a freakin' movie, y'all!!!! 

Yes, I know it's not grammatically correct. :)

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