Usually working with friends is WONDERFUL, but I had a minor setback this morning. So I'm now just trying to process it, invite in the peace, and productively move forward.
Was blindsided by a film-friend (also very close friend, I might add) who assumed they would have a certain position on LIS, without ever talking about it. Because we are such good friends, perhaps I should have made more of an effort to talk about where that person would fit in, because I do love the idea of helping my friends out... especially ones who are talented and have helped me before, and even for free. However, this person never expressed a specific interest in this particular position, so I didn't realize the importance of it.. I can't speak for the person, but I would've thought that he/she would've been more vocal prior to today (two months before we're supposed to shoot!).
I had actually mentioned to this person doing some other work for us that I knew was more flexible (since I know the person well, I know what type of living situation they have) but that didn't seem to be appealing. If it did, I missed the excitement in the voice. So, not wanting to be pushy, because I know our pay isn't crazy exciting, I didn't press the matter.
Again, not speaking for this person, but I really felt that if this was a specific goal, we would have had the BIG conversation sometime within the last 3 years.. and if it was so important, this person would have brought it to my attention, if I hadn't. Perhaps when we were talking about this other work, that would have been an opportune time...?
I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a mind reader.
Ya know, shit happens.. and just saying someone's wrong & you're right doesn't fix anything. I'm into fixing things... or trying. But it works both ways.
So what are the lessons in this?
I think it was a good lesson for me to toughen up. I tend to internalize a lot of other people's emotions, and it's not healthy (I'm working on it!). Especially being female in this business. Everything's not going to go perfect all the time, particularly on set, but I can't turn around on set and cry. Nor can I let my head get hot and bothered with mistakes I've made or things I can't control. I have to remain cool, and stick by the choices I make, both seemingly perfect and imperfect.
If I had intentionally excluded my friend, or my friend had mentioned it and I had ignored the consideration, then I would feel bad. But all I can feel, since it was an honest oversight (I guess) is sad. I'm sad that a friendship completely depends on my ability to aid them in their dreams coming true. We all try to help each other when we can, or at least I do! I'd be stupid to not know that, and live by it. It takes an army to make a movie, not one free-spirited, happy-go-lucky artist!
If you want the job - ASK FOR IT. SCREAM THE LOUDEST. SHOW SOMEONE YOU GIVE A FXCK ABOUT THAT PROJECT. TALK ABOUT IDEAS FOR IT. BE EXCITED. DON'T WAIT FOR THE $ TO COME IN TO REALIZE IT'S REAL. That's my only advice for the other party.
The friendship will heal, I think, but right now I'm just trying to focus on lessons learned. I think another lesson is that we can't control how people, even close friends, will perceive things. All we can control is how we perceive them, and be ready to live with whatever decisions we make. If we make them honestly, then we can sleep at night.
And I like to sleep, so there ya go. :)
It helps to have such a bad ass producer, who's also a therapist when she has to be, to help put everything into a calmer, brighter picture. Thanks, Lorie!!